v25.0.1 — now with 40% fewer existential footnotes →

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Why Go Premium?

Ten features. Zero of them optional. All of them already installed at birth.

For the High-Spec Models

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Running neurotypical.exe all day? We see you. Your premium subscription works even in stealth mode.

Whether you're the life of the party (for exactly 45 minutes before crashing) or you communicate primarily via peer-reviewed memes, you qualify.

System Alert: Not having "visible" traits doesn't make your experience less valid. It just means your processor is running highly complex emulation software. It's impressive, but please recharge.

Verified Reviews

Zero of these people were paid. All of them were, however, extremely online.

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Stats are made up in real time and get more accurate the longer you stare at them.

Pick Your Plan

Cancelling is as easy as leaving a party without saying goodbye.

Standard

Free

  • ✓ Standard-issue neurodivergence
  • ✓ Unprompted internal monologues
  • ✓ Limited Social Battery (Li-Ion)
  • × Ad-supported (Cringey Memories)

Lite

$2.99/mo

Autism, but the ads are quieter

  • ✓ 50% Fewer Sensory Ambush Ads
  • ✓ Basic Social Scripts (community-sourced)
  • ✓ 1 Special Interest Slot
  • × Hyperfocus capped at 6 hrs/day
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Premium

$9.99/mo

or 3 cool rocks per year

  • ✓ Ad-Free (No 3AM regret loops)
  • ✓ Auto-Script Suggestions v4.0
  • ✓ Sensory Control Panel
  • ✓ Spoon Charging Station

Squad Sync

$24.99/mo

Up to 5 special interests, synced

  • ✓ Shared Social Script Library
  • ✓ Group Infodump Chat (read receipts off by default)
  • ✓ Cross-Device Stim Toy Sync
  • ✓ One (1) shared "I'm fine" auto-reply

Diamond

???

  • ✓ All Premium + Squad Sync Features
  • ✓ Direct-to-Brain Infodumps
  • ✓ You get to pet a specific cat

Enterprise — for HR departments

Custom pricing for companies that want one (1) autistic employee on the DEI slideshow. Includes zero actual accommodations.

The Premium Fact-Checker

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Frequently Overthought Questions

The Totally Unofficial Diagnostic Quiz

Select anything that applies. Our algorithm is extremely advanced and also just does the same thing every time.

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ADHD Premium

Coming soon. We started building it, but then we saw a really cool bird outside, and also fifteen open tabs about it.